| my dad stopped working about four years ago because he was not able to handle any harsh physical activity. so pretty much, he doesnt make any money and my mom is the main supporter of the family. two nights ago, i was eating dinner with my parents. after finishing his meal, he runs upstairs and brings down a sandwich bag FULL of quarters.
me: "dad, what is that?"
dad: "this is for you, i've been collecting quarters for a year"
i took the sandwich bag from him laughing at how funny the situation was. later, i sat there and counted the quarters and it came out to be around $80. i kept thinking about how long it took him to save these quarters and it brought me to tears. i was scared that i might have disrespected him when i laughed as he handed me the quarters. he felt bad because it used to be so easy for him to give me money when he was working, but now its different.
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| what does a person value in life?
is it money? fame? living like Christ? family? friends?
what do i value in life?
what drives me to live the way i do
what is my motivation for anything that i do
guam makes me think..
sometimes this place makes me think so much that my head hurts
i can sit on the beach and stare off at the water and think for hours
then this is when all the pain rushes in
the past and present hardships
i sit there and dwell on them
guam is home.
it makes me so happy and feel all warm inside and out (literally)
but at the same time.. it makes me so sad.
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| realizing how important people are to me.
i love my friends. i love my family. i love Jesus.
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| the semester is almost over and there are so many things that i've learned.
so many times this semester, i realized the value of friendship and what great friends i have. when i was being such a bad friend, they never left me. they came after me and cared. i see so much of how God is providing for me and how He is showing me His GREATNESS through my weaknesses. i never felt so inadequate, so unworthy, so weak. being comfortable when im alone, feeling free when i dont have to talk to anyone, working hours and hours to escape from my social life. when all this hit me, God was good and He is still good.
it took me about 6 yrs to know of God's love - all those years ive struggled to believe it, He made it so clear this semester. God really showed me that i do NOT need anything else but Him.
for the first time ever, ive learned what it means to surrender. believing that God is in control, that He is always in control. this pride that i cannot let go of. this pride that prevents me from being a good sister in Christ, a good small group member, a good friend, a good anything. when will i be absolutely surrendered? when will i be pure again?
I still wonder about His greatness
only because I want to know Him more.
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this fight is so hard..
this struggle is hard to manage..
for the first time, i have no idea what to do..
i have no idea what i am doing..
i really feel lost right now..
God... show me...
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